Abuse vs Anatomy: Penises Are Not The Problem

God! I hope the title is good enough click-bait.

Disclaimer: I'm not running this by an editor. Spelling, grammar, and usage may all be subject. But, if that is your takeaway, well...


This is NOT about Kavanaugh & Ford

This isn’t about the Supreme Court nomination hearings. Politically-focused responses about that are going to be deleted as they detract from the focus. Hey, it's my blog, my rules.

I have avoided giving an opinion on the Supreme Court nomination hearings because most people are certain of theirs already. And most are clearly ideological and trigger-based. Very little assessment is happening. Again, everyone is certain of their take. And, of course, their take is clearly the logical and right one.

Also, I’ve been sick with a stomach thing the past few days. I’ve slept and not watched much of anything - including the hearings.

I am convinced that Supreme Court nomination hearings and the hearings with Kavanaugh and his accusers should be a private, un-televised, Senate event. It helps avoid the political grandstanding that occurs. But that’s another discussion for another time.

For more ideas to make politics less rotten, consider this Freakonomics episode.

It’s about the difference between abuse and anatomy

There are certain tone-deaf and idiotic falsely connected memes and statements being thrown about. As a man, a father of daughters - and of sons, and as the son of a mom I respect, I have to weigh in on this.

I’m going to explore one of the ideas I find repulsive!

It’s framed under a sort of A/B proposition.

If a woman sees a penis at a party, it’s a crime.

But if a little girl sees a penis in the women’s bathroom it’s tolerance.

I’ve seen it in various forms but then I saw this picture.

you are kidding, right? Please tell me you are kidding.

I'm going to overlook the "In Democratic America" - because I'm pretty sure the person who put this together leans conservative and doesn't realize that Republicans are part of "Democratic America." We're a democratic republic. Oh, I didn't overlook that. Sorry, not sorry.

It must bum the little girl’s parents out that THIS is how their daughter’s picture goes viral.

But I digress.

I’m not proud of my testosterone

Now granted, I was raised in a home where my mom often said, “If we could just outlaw testosterone, the world would be a much safer place.”

And before all the overly-sensitive men - the frightened little  “Proud Boy” types, express their outrage at my mother, her snarky sarcasm did VERY little to control the overcharged testosterone in our home. I appreciate her snarkiness. I appreciate my testosterone and am aware of its necessity. I appreciate the danger of unrestrained, un-tempered male aggressiveness.

You see how simple that is? And yes, when I hear about the, obviously NOT VERY, “Proud Boys” or “Incels” - my first reaction is, “What a bunch of pussies.”

But then I catch myself… understanding that my comment is disrespectful to pussies - vaginas specifically - which are magical, mysterious, powerful and wondrous. They kick ass.

Of course, like calling someone a dick, calling someone a pussy is a generally derogatory term. And in that regard, to those “Proud Boy” types, if you are a white male in American society and you feel you are a victim, stop being pussy! And I don’t mean vagina. It’s embarrassing.

Also, if you have to include "proud" in your name, you probably aren't. There is some fucked up psychology stuff happening there for sure.

Again, I digress.

Abuse and Anatomy Are NOT The Same

This seems obvious but perhaps it isn’t.

The picture made me laugh - but also terrified me.

It made me laugh because it is so absurd in its false equivalency.

Are the people posting this sentiment STUPID?

I know some of them are not - not in the IQ sense. And that is the problem. They are, instead, so ideologically stinted that they just repeat whatever meme or comment shows up if they feel it is making “their” political point. That’s lazy. That’s willing ignorance.

And by the way, I believe those on the opposite side of the political spectrum do this as well. Ideologically slanted memes or comments with false equivalency are all the rage. I truly try to avoid those. It’s unhelpful in the national conversation.

However, again, as a father of daughters who have experienced enough of life that the danger of being a woman (versus being a man) is pretty obvious, and, as the father of sons, I want and pray for them to NOT be so unaware and unthinking.

Having witnessed, just in walking downtown with my girls, that if I fall behind them 15 to 20 feet, there are men who make comments - it’s a thing - I feel it is important to try to correct the grotesque misunderstanding these memes and similar comments express.

Also, if you are one of those men and think your comments are flattering, slow your roll girl. You have issues.

But let’s explore the sentiment of the picture.

Where are all these bathroom penises?

First: In what bathrooms are men openly displaying their penises?

I've used public restrooms for years and NOT once - even in some crazy downtown restrooms - are men just walking around displaying their penises. I walked into the gender-neutral bathroom in Long Beach's Hamburger Mary's. They have men's restrooms, ladies' restrooms, and gender-neutral restrooms, I only discovered that after I walked in and used their gender-neutral bathroom. Guess how many transgender penises I saw? Guess how many of the people in that bathroom saw my penis? 999 x 0 = ___ you do the math.

Granted, this might just be a "you thing". I don't know. If so, your life is far more interesting than mine - for sure. And you have to consider what it means if you are seeing a lot of penises in restrooms. You might be trying too hard - just own it - don't be ashamed.

Penis Parties are not criminal, unless they’re criminal

Second: Seeing a penis at a party would not be a crime - unless, it is part of an act of aggression. If the party is a nude party, there is probably going to be some penises. Again, I've never attended such a party but I assume at some point, particularly at some colleges, such parties may have occurred.

Context and consent

For giggles, let's assume that a woman at a party is accosted by a drunken male who, like some creep at the park flashing a young girl, pulls out his penis to intimidate her. Yes... that's a crime!! Giggles I say - LOLz for daze!!!

Now, let's explore the alternative. Assuming you are pointing your bad metaphor and mock outrage at a young girl possibly seeing transgender person's penis in the bathroom - as they are finishing using the restroom. I don't know how that occurs considering most of those bathrooms include stalls - BUT - again, for giggles (har har), we have to match absurdity with absurdity. Oh, the LOLz of it all!

If such an event occurs, and a young girl sees a penis as part of a normal non-sexual, non-aggressive, biological function, it is probably not the end of the world. Agreed?

Of course, maybe I'm crazy - but my kids knew about penises and vaginas - anatomy - very early on. Their mom and I were not against nudity. Hell, we couldn’t even keep our third child dressed at church, let alone home.

They even knew that babies came from vaginas and penises took an active part. We have the damned dog Buddy who jumped our fence to get at Dixie to blame for this. The kids thought they were stuck and needed our help. And then there were puppies.

If you are struggling with confusion over the difference between an unwanted act of aggression and control versus a biological function of human waste disposal, I'm not sure any logic can help clarify this.

But to be clear!

Dinner Guest vs Ass-kicked!

Situation 1: Some guy is hiking with my daughter and goes over to some bushes to use the restroom and she, inadvertently, gets a glimpse of his penis.

Situation 2: Some guy accosts my daughter at a party, pulling his dick out of his pants and forcing her to struggle to escape in order to get away from him.

The guy in situation 1 - he can have dinner at my house. No harm, no foul! Even if he is transgender or just some guy.

The guy in situation 2 - he should avoid me at all costs.

You do see the difference, right? Please tell me you do... restore my faith in logic and rationality.

Posted in Blog, Life, parenting, Writing and tagged , , , , .


    • I had to allow “Gordor’s” post. Mostly because I’m sure “he’ll” be back to see if I do so.

      Angry and anonymous in this context is revealing. It indicates far more about “Gordor” than it does about anything I’ve written. Although, I decided I would give “Gordor” a fair shake and analyze his response.

      First, I’m assuming he disagrees with what I’ve written. He doesn’t specify any ideas that he has issue with, so I don’t know if his view is nuanced in anyway – ie: “I can agree a little with Y but you are completely off base with Z.”

      Okay.. I’m sort of kidding. When I read “Gordor’s” response, I copied and pasted it into Google translate. It returned with, “Me no think deeply. Me mad and frustrated and scared and wha whaa whaaaaaaaaa.”

      Of course, Google tranlsate is not always 100% contextually accurate, so the above may not capture the full nuance of Gordor’s commentary. But we do thank him for showing up. Namaste Gordor!

  1. Well said, my friend who I had not read in quite too long. I definitely enjoyed your logic on a day where I felt like moving to another country. You restored my faith that there is still humor and intelligence in our country. Thanks!

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