I Like Totally Like You and other Facebook Lies

Not all likes are likes on facebookKeep Your Tongue Out of My Mouth – revisited

first.. I apologize for the length of this post..but it is worth it.  second: This was originally posted on my KreativeKnowledge site. That site is coming down for the time-being and I’m focusing my content and efforts here and at ITCareerToolbox.com

It happened again.. out of the blue, someone came up and started smooching on me! Stuck their tongue right into my mouth! It wasn’t stimulating. It wasn’t romantic. It was disgusting and believe me, I’m trying to forget about it.

Oh.. sorry, no.. someone didn’t actually kiss me.. What they did was “friend” me on Facebook.. or as I put it, “general acquaintanced me” and then recommended about 15 different Facebook pages to me. Asked me to “Like” them.

The problem is, I didn’t like them (the pages I mean) and if they knew me, they’d know that most of them were grossly out of context. For almost every connection I get on Facebook, I send a personal note. I want to put the relationship in context – let them know more about me, let me know more about them… etc. What we do.. what we like (really like).. what our goals our, etc.

facebook likesWhen someone “Friends” me and then starts recommending I “Like” this, that, and the other thing, it is similar to someone saying hello on the street then suddenly grabbing you and laying a big sloppy kiss on you. If this is you.. stop it!!!

I “Like” totally, “Like” you

Remember the “Valley Girl”. Sherman Oaks Galleria. “Andrea” Some of you may not. I grew up in the “Valley” in the ‘80’s. I knew real life Valley Girls who were “Totally Like.. Awesome!”

They threw  the word “Like” into everything! Actually, you still hear it with some kids.. and it Like makes me Like totally Like question the intellect of the person speaking. I don’t LIKE it.

Used in this matter, it is a vacuous extraneous word.. meaningless through its overuse and lack of context.

But we see it here on Facebook and other Internet communities or media too. We can “Like” anything with a mouse-click.  We can even like a like. In fact, in the ultimate narcissistic coup, we can like OUR OWN LIKE.


Get it? Clever Matt.

We use and overuse the word, Engagement. The truth is, when I work with clients, there is an over-emphasis on “Likes” and an under-emphasis on true engagement. They want to build “Likes” on the Facebook page.  I get asked the question all the time, “How can I get more people to like me?”

It is sort of a funny question really. Outside of Facebook, how do you get more people to like you?

  • Be friendly
  • Listen
  • Help people
  • Be fun and encouraging
  • Be transparent but don’t be a bore
  • Don’t talk about yourself too much

Hey.. this sounds like a Social Media coaching session..

Show me yours and I’ll show you mine

I was on a community forum for musicians – Yes, I’m a rock star too! – and there was a discussion.. It started with this…


It’s the Internet equivalent of “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”

Similar to reciprocal links on web pages – which Google actually de-values unless they are determined to be “true” links – ie: not just a link on  page of links that links to a site with a page of links that links back to your site in some circular and incestuous web triangle.

A true link is when I or another blogger mentions and links to another site or story because we found it valuable or it was in context with what we were writing.

In the same way, liking someone’s page for the sake of having them like your page, gives you a warm fuzzy feeling but does very little to extend your brand or influence.

Musicians do this all the time. But so do businesses. If I “Like” your page but I don’t really like your music, your product, or your service, and vice-versa… you’ve now lied to yourself, lied to me, and have a mistaken notion about your popularity.

The unpopular rich kid in school didn’t really have all those “friends” at his birthday party.. they were there for the pool, blow up slide, and ice cream. Then they left and never talked to him again. And he didn’t need the cheap toys they left.. daddy already bought him better ones.. he needed friends.

FYI: I wasn’t the unpopular kid and certainly wasn’t rich – but I’ve discovered that I really only had 4 or 5 friends in high school.. and they are still my friends. There is a social marketing lesson there…

Can we add a “I REALLY LIKE YOU” option?

I used to believe that Facebook should include a new “I REALLLY LIKE YOU” option. It would involve something more than clicking a like link. Maybe when the person clicks “Like” a popup ask them to write 2 or 3 sentences to describe what they like about that person or page. And maybe in doing so, they would agree that posts from the pages or people that they “REALLY LIKE” would show up on their wall until they had clicked a button that indicated they had seen and read the post.

It would be true commitment.

We already have a “I REALLY LIKE YOU” option

Then I thought about it. We already have this option. It is called, a website and mailing list.

You see, when someone “Likes” your page and leaves, they don’t really like you. And if you aren’t doing something to engage them – truly engage them – then you are lying to yourself about your social media marketing.


The timeline and the glut of updates works against you. It does. The number of people “liking” your page has to be “extraordinary” to turn “likes” into true engagement and into business.

If you have 500 people on your page, and you post an update at 10:00AM.. how many people are truly seeing it. I don’t mean, they see it in their timeline as one of 10 other items – but they are busy commenting on the cute video of a kitten playing with a dolphin..

I mean seeing it as in, they look at it, absorb the content, think about it, and visit your page or get additional information.


True story, I posted an article about something. Someone left a comment and “Liked” what I posted… But their comment as sort of a non-sequitor.. it didn’t make sense to the article.

Then they posted again… “Oh.. I just read it after I commented…” and they made a more relevant comment. What does that tell me (and you).. they “liked” and commented first to have their voice heard – but later they truly engaged.


You MUST publish high-value content on your own website via your blog. That’s why you must be capturing more than a “Like” – you MUST have a mailing list and use it.. or some other way to get true engagement and find out who “REALLY LIKES YOU”.


Remember our list above – how can I get someone to like me?.. Let’s repeat it.

  • Be friendly
  • Listen
  • Help people
  • Be fun and encouraging
  • Be transparent but don’t be a bore
  • Don’t talk about yourself too much

And we think that is totally bitchin’!

Oh… if you do like this.. consider “Liking” my Facebook page. If you REALLY REALLY LIKE IT, sign up on the newsletter.

Posted in Blog, Coaching, Music Business, Social Media.


  1. I hate when that happens. I hope it wasn’t from me I would not do that.If it would happen it would be without my knowledge.

  2. Michael… Nope! Wasn’t you. The specific event occurred over a year ago, although I see it repeated often.

    In general, I adhere to the following mantra and mindset when it comes to online engagement:
    Be Proactive! Be Positive! Add Value! Share Opportunity!

    Granted, I sometimes throw some passive-aggressive sarcasm on top of things just to keep it lively.. probably not my best me but it can be fun from time to time.. and it keeps me awake.

    Food for thought though.

  3. Hugh: I almost never ask someone to join my FB page. Attention is always focused on the mailing list. It is where my house concert hosts and workshops come out of. Which, of course, is consistent with my message.

  4. You are so right. I’m concluding that FB is of very limited use.

    Seems to me that you have to make it easy for people to make comments (here), but give them something if they sign onto the address list…

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