You lie, you lie, with a booger in your eye!!
About Facebook’s New Terms, Privacy Settings and More
I just got the Facebook email where they are updating their terms and policies and introducing privacy basics.
What I know about this is that it will (already does) create a flurry of status updates that sound/appear something like.
“This lengthy, rambling, pseudo-legalese blah blah blah – protects me from the monster that is Facebook, Zuckerberg, and the CIA. Blah blah blah. And by posting it, I declare that I am a sovereign nation!”
That’s not exactly it, but it feels the same and has the same substance and meaning. It’s additional bytes to be stored… but hey, storage is cheap.
But before you hit enter on the post, take a moment and wipe the crazed spittle from your lip, take a drink of water (put down the tequila for God’s sake), and let’s talk about the momentous intrusion of privacy you are about to experience.
No… they are not implanting you with a GPS locator and they are NOT asking for your first born!
They want the 2nd child anyway… because all of us parents know the first one was experimental and we broke them!
Much to do about nothing – again
First, it is worth taking some time to read what Facebook is changing. They divulge their secret strategy for mind-control and world domination here. Most people get the email, don’t read it, and then find their favorite frothy-mouthed, scraggly-bearded, cave-dwelling blog author (thank God for cellular connections) and read what he has to say about it.
Lest I point out the obvious… he’s in a freakin’ cave and is married to a mannequin, stop listening to him!! This hearkens back to the rantiness about messenger.. I wrote about that here.
The real change
First, Facebook is providing MUCH greater control over your privacy than ever. Reminders about who can see what you post and other tools to allow you to review how public or private your information is.
Also, clearly stated, your information and intellectual property is yours.. BUT Facebook gets a “license” to distribute your IP. And they get that until you delete it! And, even after you delete it, it may remain elsewhere for some time or forever.
Relax! When you post something that is yours on FB – you are posting it on a public network that YOU DO NOT OWN. To do so, that network has to have the right to “distribute it.” Meaning, it shows up on other people’s computers! That’s why you share photos… to… share…. them!
But YOU aren’t sharing them… a system, called Facebook – with servers and blinking lights and stuff – is sharing them. You have to give them (the system) the right to do that. If you don’t want them to have the right… it’s simple… don’t post it!!!
And to further clarify it… once you post it, if I or anyone else copies it to our respective computers, Facebook NO LONGER controls the distribution. So… they cannot guarantee that when you delete it, it gets deleted. How do you avoid this problem?… DON’T POST STUFF YOU SHOULDN’T POST ON A PUBLIC NETWORK!
Wait, Matt… are you saying I’m responsible for my privacy! Hmm…
Why is Facebook making these changes and clarifying their terms and policies?
Mostly because there are a LOT of stupid people who post shit they shouldn’t post!
Seriously! Let’s short list this.
Things to NEVER put on Facebook
- Personal conflict with spouse, bf/gf, child, parent, business partner, guy at the store, random homeless person, etc. (and a partridge in a pear tree)
- How much you drink!
- Your lies about your sexual conquest!
- Ceaseless political rants about the evil/stupidity of the “other guy” and the “other party.” Don’t you realize that you are the “other party” to the “other party” and your “guy” is the “other guy” to the “other guy?”Lest someone mistakenly infers that I am against debate, sharing political or religious ideas, or similar dialogue… for shame! I think it’s great. It’s the 10-20-30 posts a day that generate the same tired and boring repartee between the same 6 people that I find curious.And I’m not suggesting you can’t post it. I’m telling you NOT to because it makes you look like a fucking idiot!* I’m am not against debate and clever repartee (who doesn’t like repartee – it goes with everything)… but I also believe in some ground rules for debate and tense dialogue. I’ve posted the ground rules here.
- Any half-clad selfie with bad lighting. (fully-clad is acceptable, if not overdone).
- Any duck-face photo (especially where you make some dope gang-ish lookin’ sign) – that is just not okay! Please stop it. It never had time to become passe because it was awful at its inception.
In short, don’t post stupid or overly revealing information about your personal life. That way, Zuckerberg cannot “steal” what he cares nothing about!
But also understand this… you just aren’t that interesting! Sorry… I’m guilty of the same. We are cyber-blips on very large canvas. I know that our cave-dwelling conspiracy writer is telling you different… but… remember, the mannequin.
I’m not suggesting you are boring – well, YOU – right over there, you are – but not you! I’m suggesting that, to Facebook, 99.9999999999% of your information is unimportant. Even the marketers cannot really figure it out!
And Finally, Why You Are Not Leaving Facebook
Because, where else will you go to complain about the invasion of privacy of Facebook.
You may leave for a short time… but, in a day or two – you’ll need to hit that crack pipe. You’ll have to see if your picture of that beautiful plate of food gets a few likes… You need to feel that digital acceptance! Ahhh… It’s a fix!
My first and final duck face selfie