Sleeping with Prostitutes

Ha.. clickbait. It worked, you’re here! Now let me explain my indiscretion in a little more detail!

I sleep with prostitutes from time to time. I know it isn’t what’s best for me. But I also know I’m not alone (because I’m with her, right?).

It started years ago with a conversation at a client. This is how the conversation went.

Person 1: Hey.. does anyone have an idea for lunch.

Person 2: I don’t know… I don’t really care.

Me: Just something quick. I need to get back here.

Person 1: How about McDonalds?

Me: Ughh.. I don’t eat at McDonald’s. It is like sleeping with a prostitute.

Person 1 & Person 2: What?

Me: Yeah… you think it will be good but you just end up feeling ashamed and getting sick.

Person 2: Oh? Are you speaking from experience?

Me: Not really. I would never stoop so low as to eat at McDonald’s.

* Oooh.. burn!!  (please do not make me explain the humor above)

Food, Exercise, & Diligence

The truth is, I’m ashamed to admit, sometimes I have breakfast at McDonald’s. And I do occasionally get a soft-serve cone. To my credit, I tell them to make it half or ⅓ the size they normally do. Healthy is as healthy does.

Also, I like Wendy’s. I get a single, no cheese, no mayonnaise.. I call it a “Wendy’s Healthy Single” – because lying to myself is easier than the alternative. Oh.. and the small Frosty I add is another healthy choice, right?

I’m 51 and compared to MOST of my similarly aged friends, I’m in rocking shape. And at times, I take some pride in that.

But the truth is, when I evaluate what my goals are, I’m not where I want to be in overall fitness and performance. And before I get the pandering, “you’re doing great” or “give yourself a break” or any other allowance because compared to ________, I’m doing alright – save it! I don’t need it!

My objective/goal is personal to me and it is realistic. So, I’d rather feel a little shame when I see that McDonald’s or Wendy’s bag in the car after one of my cholesterol tryst. And I do… I have pulled up to the house and secretely thrown the bag and any evidence in the trash before my daughters see it. I can’t bear their disapproving glances.

What works for me

It is what works for anyone. Very important: I don’t believe in special diets and most dietary restrictions. You don’t need to go paleo and do not need to go gluten free – unless you truly need to. If that is too complex for you to follow, I can’t help you.

Most of life is about patterns and opportunity. I want to sleep with prostitutes far less. I’m not begging off them, per se. But, I want to be more intentional in my relationships – even the bad ones. We all whore around at times, so I’m not saying you can’t. Just make it part of the plan instead of allowing it to intrude on your good relationships.

It is not even about having a cheat day – which is a funny term, right?. It is simply about creating a routine and planning my meals a bit more diligently.

Knowing the night before that I’m going to have oatmeal for breakfast, make tuna salad (no mayo, I use hummus) for lunch, and have a vegan pizza with homemade pesto sauce for dinner, takes about 30-45 seconds of total planning time. Less.. in fact, it took me more time to type it than to think about it.

I often say, “What is not intentional is accidental.” 

As with the work I do, my exercise regimen, taking time to visit local art galleries or interesting parks, getting my dog out, and more, a simple plan is better than a guilt-laden excuse.

And besides, those prostitutes, they look damned good in kale too!

PS: If you were looking for something more damning and titillating, shame on you. What kind of man do you think I am? 😉 But I will write about meeting an “escort” on a plane and our conversation about career origins and choices. She was a nice lady. Stay tuned!

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